Landfill
by ekiyono13
Summary: Basically, a crazy twisty tired lulled out one-shot maybe more, maybe not that was inspired by the song Landfill by Daughter. Maura and Jane have to fight through their drowning emotions.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I did this out on a whim. Didn't sleep all night and kind of just free wrote it. So if it is crappy beyond crap I am really sorry, if you actually enjoy it the OMGERRD cool. :D As always feel free to leave feedback :) This is part 1 there is another part to it so yeah. lol **

Jane's POV

It had been a long day and Jane was ready to get out of the precinct. She had been planning something for a while. After work she would go to a secret place that no one knew about to get away from the world, to get away from all that she had felt.

Jane was always so tough and strong, but the times when she needed to feel weak, she would go to this place and escape, to be free. She put love into everything she did at this place and she felt so alive when she did. She had been distant from Maura though.

She was in love with Maura. Yes, Jane Clementine Rizzoli loved the honey blonde brainy, google-mouthed woman. It was so much now, that every time she saw Maura, she would wind up dazed and jaded, knowing that the woman so beautifully placed in front of her, like an undying Shakespearean play, could never possibly be hers. She could never love someone like Jane. And it made Jane...feel breathless and like a sailor practiced his knots over and over again with her heart and her stomach hit rock bottom. She was losing sleep and losing will.

_How can you love someone so much, and be so afraid to be with them. How could you love someone, and not tell them. Go every day admiring everything you love about them. It's like a silent movie, you can feel every nerve at work but you can never speak it. When eyes meet, when eyes lock. It's like pulsing life in a dormant volcano. How can you love someone so much, and let it go for this long._

Maura's POV

Maura was happy and she was in love with him. They've been married for a month now. She realized that by being married to him, Jane didn't bother coming around much anymore. She barely came to the morgue, she just sent Frost. She noticed that Jane was being eaten away by something she couldn't explain. She wanted to be there for Jane, but she had a family now, a husband to be there for, to love, to cherish, and to hold through thick and thin and in sickness and in health. _Blah, Blah, Blah..._

_How can you grow, if you're always so dependent on someone. How can you live your own life if you always need to be with someone. Meet someone, meet someone you can love, like a husband. How can you want someone in your life, but not be able to give them 100% like you did before. Is it best to let them go?_

Sigh.

* * *

"Maura..." Jane said peaking her head through the doorway and looking down slightly intimidated. Maura could break her down, size her up, see right through her, feel the thoughts Jane was thinking just by looking at her. She felt like a land mine waiting for the right amount of pressure to make her blow. She didn't need Maura to break her apart and figure her out, she just needed her.

"Jane?" Maura gave a shocking look, it's been a month since she's heard that beautiful raspy voice call for her. Ever since her wedding day.

"I know this is asking a lot, but will you come with me?" Jane said with loving, pleading eyes. She was scared for the world to crumble in on her, rejection; Maura was the closest thing she ever had, and the only thing she had to do to lose her_ was let her be happy_. Her heart sank. Palms sweaty, scars sore.

"Jane...I don't..." Maura could feel disappointment filling the space between them.

"Please...just this once..." Jane begged.

Maura missed Jane, but she was afraid of what that meant. She looked down, made a call, and then agreed.

"Okay, where are we going?" Maura said with everything in hand ready to go, but nervous.

Jane smiled but didn't answer, she had memorized every inch of Maura's delicate, graceful face, all she ever wanted to do was brush the hair from her face, trace the laugh lines with her finger tips-with the million of nerve endings. Jane was stuck again, in that moment, where it felt like the world lived on without them, because they stood still together, in stopped space, in stopped time.

Jane turned and walked out the door and Maura followed not knowing everything in their lives was about to change.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: If you haven't done so, It would probably be a good idea to listen to the song before you go on. After all it was inspired by the song. lol Anyways, again sorry if it's not up to par, but ehh. Feel free to leave feedback I really appreciate it.**

Darkness and emptiness filled the area around them.

Maura couldn't help but feel a ping of guilt.

She was now feeling the affect of just how much her friend had been needing her. How, when she walked away, she needed someone to chase her. Without the chase, this was now Jane's last request.

Jane paused in front of her.

"Maura..." She loved the way Maura's name felt escaping her lips.

"Stay..." She held onto Maura's shoulders and aligned her to 'center stage'. "...right here."

Jane was so calm. Maura had never seen Jane so calm, so focused, and so at peace. Wherever they were, Maura knew, that it was safe to Jane. Maura knew that she didn't need to feel uncomfortable in this secret place.

Jane wrapped behind her and whispered lucidly in her ear. Electricity spread through Maura like a wild fire,"...Close your eyes."

Maura closed her eyes and gained the fluids to cease fire in her body.

Jane walked in the dark, she learned every step in that place. It was like breathing to her.

In a shack there were rusty switches, 3 in a row, she would only flip one for now, which illuminated a tiny city, lit by mason jar street lights.

Jane had worked hard, in this place. She created her own street lights, she dug the holes, slid the poles in the designated spots, and strung between each pole, a power line like string with 15 mason jars attached.

The tiny city was lit, by what looked like a million fireflies.

She went back over to Maura.

"Okay...don't move from this spot...but open your eyes." Jane explained to Maura, and then took a step back to let her make of it what she wanted.

Maura was nervous, but slowly opened her eyes. She was standing on a small hill that overlooked the whole place.

She couldn't believe what was sitting in front of her. It was an old car junkyard, but it was lit like a night time 4th of July picnic. The strung mason jars not only lit up the place, but served as a boarder to what looked like a small dirt road. The road she noticed wasn't big enough for a car, but made for something smaller.

Maura was taken back, breathless. It was so beautiful, it was like a painting she could only see in a prestige art museum, but she wanted so bad to touch it.

What was this? She could feel everything she bottled up coming back.

Jane let her take it in for a brief moment.

"There's more..." Jane said in a low rasp.

Maura was inwardly excited, she wanted to see more, she wanted to see more of this world where Jane had been hiding.

Jane had let her in again, and so far deep, but Maura was afraid that Jane opened up just to be closed down. Guilt filled her again, and she cautiously followed Jane into this mechanical Atlantis.

* * *

When they got deeper into the world, Jane had lead her to two structures covered in a dusty giant grey blanket.

"Stand back..." Jane said with a smile.

There it was Maura smiled. The strong confident Jane that was hiding from her for so long, it was flooding back. Her emotions for Jane too.

Jane flicked the blanket off, and small debris filled the air. It looked as if christmas had started and the white laced snow was now beginning to fall.

"Sorry..with all the dirt out here...it gets that way.." She said not bothering to look up at Maura.

Instead they both admired what was now revealed to them.

"Oh, my- Jane did you? Did you make these?" Maura's eyes were filled with curiosity. She wrapped her hands around the car's framed like structure.

"Yeah...I did...they're go-carts." Jane was staring at the front engravings on the front bumpers. _Rizzoli _on one _...Isles..._on the other.

Maura couldn't help but admire the machines in front of her. Jane put all her love for Maura, her heartache, her pain, into this place, into these go-carts. Maura noticed "Isles" on one.

"..Jane.."

Before Maura could get anything out.

"It's yours. It's supposed to be yours, Maura...Sorry, about the name...I guess it's not yours anymore..." Jane felt pain dart through her and fought back a tear or two.

"They're beautiful, Jane. All from scratch? Can we drive them...around the track?" Maura was melting into an excited girl.

Maura loved Jane, was in love with her, always had been. Though, she never had the courage to confront her or herself. She married her husband because it was a way to get rid of and bottle up what she thought could never be.

They both tried to hide and escape what they felt was supposed to-, meant to be. Maura could now tell that this wasn't a place of joy for Jane, it was a place she could dance and admire broken hearted ghosts. Ghosts of everything she loved in Maura but couldn't have.

Jane smiled and held up a finger. "One second."

She ran back to the shack and switched the last two switches and quickly darted into her go-cart.

"Hurry up and get in you'll miss the show!" Jane yelled with a giant smile.

The junk yard was now playing soft music, music that reminded Jane of how much she loved Maura, music that reminded her of how happy she was when she could confide and trust in Maura.

Maura got in her go-cart and they took off together, they raced against their feelings, they raced against the music that brought the familiar feeling of being in each others presence back. They raced against what they both hid from.

As they went along the dusty dirt trails, the sky scrapers of cars started breathe life.

Maura slowed her cart down as she noticed the lights on every car in the junkyard began to dance. The headlights on the cars faded and lit back up to every beat and tune of the song. It was like christmas lights tuned to match perfectly with the flow of the music.

"Jesus, Jane..." Maura was now stopped and getting out.

Jane was behind her and saw the stopped go-cart. She smiled and got out.

She walked behind Maura and watched with her and began speaking over her shoulder.

"Everyday, since the day you got married, I came here. I built this place took everything I had in me that I didn't use on my cases, and stashed it here."

She now stood beside Maura and turned the honey blonde to face her.

"Maura, I'm so stupid..." Jane breathed heavily inward and closed her eyes with her hands pressed onto her face.

Maura saw the struggle within Jane. She knew Jane had struggled like how she struggled before she got married.

"Maura...I can't hide anymore...I can't bottle everything in me, I can't ship it in a bottle and get married to some dude and pretend everything is okay just to ignore the one true person I love. Maura, I can't do it, I can't do this. I love you, I love you so fucking much, it aches and it hurts. I know you probably never gave a damn about what I feel..." Jane's eyes and soul were fighting a fire and Maura couldn't help but feel, she wanted to reach out and put it out, or enrage it so much that in engulfed them both.

_Well this is torturous..._

_...Electricity between both of us..._

"I hate you, Maura. Why the fuck didn't you come after me when I needed you? I probably would have been okay and not so love fucked if you would have just came after me and cared for me just even a little. I know I'm big bad, scary, and a stubborn ass, just didn't know you couldn't stand me that much, that you could just watch me go..."

"...Jane..."

_And this is dangerous, cos' I want you so much..._

Jane was breaking down, Maura's safety plan was collapsing.

"You've loved me, this whole time?" Maura asked with eyes searching the depth of the darkest ocean.

"God, Maura...I've loved you since I first saw you...since the moment you said 'Hi I'm Dr. Maura Isles Chief Medical Examiner of the common wealth of Massachusetts'. Since I saw you smile, the way you're smile can fill my day. I see such horrible things when I come into work, but I've had you, to be there along my side, smiling at me, making things easier, helping me see what's right when I can't. The way you look at me when you can't understand my logic, when you try so hard to piece me together...I loved the way I thought I could protect you...but I was.."

"Just shut up then." Maura ordered and pushed Jane lightly against a junky old car.

Jane's eyes widened and then closed as she felt Maura's lips crash into hers. She couldn't believe it...

"...Maura..." Jane tried to pull away, but couldn't. She was falling too hard and too fast.

"..God.." She gasped. Maura's hands were placed on each side of Jane's face.

Every kiss felt like a small part of her soul was leaving her body, she started feeling light headed and dizzy, but in an extremely good way. _A really good way._

Reality struck. She is still a married woman.

"Maura." Jane said firmly and shaking herself of everything she wanted.

"You...I...we...can't do this..."

Maura gave a guilt stare and traced her fingers around her own lips.

"I want you so bad, Maura. I want us, but I can't let you do this to yourself, to him. It hurts..God..I'm so fucking stupid..to think we could work...you're fucking married..."

Maura knew Jane was right.


End file.
